I just wrote an entire story where:
Kerouac writes a blog post about how to become famous on the internet and his list includes: avoiding confrontation and writing about sex. It goes viral in 30 minutes.
Ginsberg writes me an email/leaves a blog comment calling me an asshole every time I use an adverb in a blog post.
Flannery O’Connor starts posting too many drawings and taking too many instagram photos of her cats and loses a handful of readers—to which she posts a very long blog post about how this is ‘her blog’ and she isn’t here to ‘entertain you like a clown.’ Hundreds of people agree with Flannery. One troll posts a photo of Krusty the Clown to her comments, and four people write well thought out responses as to why The Simpsons is for racist, sexist, abusive degenerates.
Vonnegut posts fake photos of himself and then Harper Lee writes a manifesto about how Vonnegut had no choice because all anyone cares about in this stinking world is what people look like. She cites Sylvia Plath as her prime example, calling Sylvia’s poetry horrible and the only reason it got published was because Sylvia has “a really nice face.” Outraged, Sylvia deletes her blog and creates a new one with a new name a few hours later. Vonnegut is forgiven by all for his honesty, but no one ever sees a real picture of his face again. Harper Lee stops posting to her blog, but sometimes posts things at 3 am and deletes then when she wakes up in the morning.
Nabokov starts a tumblr for his brand new lit mag that he says is going to be the best collection of writing from new and established writers on the internet. He comes out with two issues that only feature the 30 people from his MFA program at The New School. He gets a job teaching at Sarah Lawrence and never publishes another issue again.
Hemingway gets a book deal when an agent sees his blog and likes one of his stories. His friends talk shit about him in a group G-Chat hang out that Hemingway can’t see because he still uses yahoo, the fucking loser. Hemingway’s book comes out and is a best seller. His friends write blog posts about how happy they are for their best friend Hemingway, but they never buy the book—they just take it out from the library and read the acknowledgments to see if they are in them. Hemingway’s book is made into a movie. No one really knows what happened next, because the asshole stopped replying to our fucking emails because he’s just so fucking important now.
Then the internet blows up and everyone loses all of their writing because they never saved it in a word document.
And everything was beautiful and no one used the number 4 as a word ever again.
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