I’ve been thinking lately about the value of my face as a woman.
Above is my favorite photo of myself that I’ve taken in the past year. It is the truest to the hue of my skin and my lips and the shape of my face. There is a pimple right below my nose and my skin is oily from a haircut I had that day. I am not wearing lipstick or chapstick or powder or lipgloss or eyeliner or blush.
This post isn’t about my face though—it is what posting a photo of my face boils me down to.
Let me give you a list of things people that I know and don’t know have said to me and behind my back (when they thought the person they were telling was keeping their secret) about photos of me:
I am fat, ugly, weird looking, duck lipped. They have told me to kill myself because I am so ugly. They have said I only use fat girl angles and instagram filters to hide how ugly and fat I really am. They have accused me of stealing photos. They have called me a narcissist. They have called me vain. They stopped speaking to me all together. They have stood in rooms, chat and real, and talked about me like I had murdered their dog.
I’ve heard it all. My writing sucks and people only like me because I am hot. I’m not hot, I just have huge tits and people like “the way I look” sometimes. I have low self esteem. I look like shit in real life. I get what I have because some dude or chick wants to put their dick in my mouth.
As women we have been taught by society to never say we are ugly [SHAME ON YOU!], but never celebrate feeling beautiful [WHY ARE YOU SO VAIN???]].
We are taught to never hide our faces, [YOU DO NOT NEED ALL THAT MAKEUP!!!] and to never accept when someone offers us a compliment for it [NO! I AM UGLY. SORRY.]
We are taught that lying is bad but not when it is about what we look like—smothering it with creams and lotions to keep it tight and with make up and cover ups to make it flawless and rubbing out every scar and blemish in every photo we have.
We live in a society where women can’t feed their children, but she can erase all her perceived deformities in a 60 minute special on ABC television.
We live in this world that tells us we are free but enforces rules upon us that they say need to be abolished.
We speak out against slut shaming and then turn around and hang our heads at our best friends long list of sexual partners. We speak out about fat politics and body acceptance and then shame our friends who want to take control of their body shape and get stronger and brighter because it might mean being less or more fat. We celebrate those who are outside of the norm, but walk too close to that middle “average” line and you go from “brave” to “whore”.
You see me post this photo of my face and you call me an attention whore, you call me ugly, you hate me for the love I have for myself, because you think it means I don’t have love for you.
When did beauty turn us into such vicious monsters? Why do beautiful things make us so angry that we try to tear them into shreds?
Why can’t I like the slope of my nose and yours too?blog comments powered by Disqus
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