Anonymous asked: I'm 20 years old. My boyfriend probably wouldn't mind if I was anorexic as long as I looked super thin. On what premise would it be right to stay with him?
I have been reading this question for a few hours since you sent it. I read it on my phone. I read it in my email. I read it here in my tumblr inbox. I was confused at first. Then I was angry for you. Then I was confused again.
My first question would be this: Has this dude you’re dating actually suggested that you lose weight? Has he actually suggested that even if you destroyed your body by depriving it of nutrients that would be fine as long as you were skinny?
Let me tell you from personal experience: anyone who puts his penis in you (assuming he has) or anyone who kisses you, lets you hold their fucking hand, and thinks you’re unattractive while you give them all of that is an asshole.
He obviously doesn’t realize how hard it is to get a girl who isn’t a complete idiot and the fact that he might have said this to you makes me kind of angry for every woman everywhere. Because even if you dump him, even if you tell him why you dumped him, he is never going to stop being this much of an asshole.
If he hasn’t said this to you, but you have come to this conclusion that this is how he feels, then you should probably talk to him.
Sometimes our body image projects on to other people and we think that they think the way we do. Personally, I would rather vomit than look at myself in the mirror 99% of the time (this is both a joke and serious and it is really sad) but it means I spend most of my relationships thinking, “DOES THIS DUDE HAVE AN ASTIGMATISM HE DIDN’T GET FIXED OR SOMETHING??” I’ve mostly out grown this, with a lot of counseling and some amazing friends, but sometimes I think it’s true and I need someone to punch me in the tit every once in awhile.
If it turns out your worst fears are right: you should stop dating him.
In fact you should post his fucking picture on the internet with the caption: “THIS DUDE IS A FUCKING ASSHOLE.” Because no one, including you, should ever let this guy put their hands on anyone. He doesn’t deserve it.
I once fell for a guy who eventually said to me after a few months: "You’re too fat to date." This was after a lot of time spent with my heart in his hands. This was months after him sending me emails where he asked what color he should paint his fucking bedroom because he saw it is a place we would be together in. I want to tell you that I stopped wanting him. I want to tell you that I didn’t consider crash diets and extreme measures. I want to tell you that it didn’t make my eating disorder flare up like an arthritic knee when the weather changes. But I can’t. I still kept liking him. I still wanted him to be with me.
And it fucked me up hardcore. IT still fucks me up.
Your ego, your heart, your brain, and your self esteem are worth far more than some asshole who doesn’t realize weight is just a number. Because that is what it is. If he didn’t like your body, he shouldn’t have touched it. He should have left it, left you, for someone who will love you the way you should be loved instead of leaving you feeling like there is something wrong with you.
There isn’t. Don’t ever think there is.blog comments powered by Disqus
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- tenderstatue said:Preach!
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- irrationalgraceistaken said:brilliant, you should write a book and call it ‘dump this asshole’
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- snack-tray said:preach.
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- jayarrarr said:wow. amazing answer. hear here!
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